You bring me joy when I'm down Oh, so much joy When I lose my way your love comes smiling on meAnita Baker
I used to sing this to my kitty.
Less than 48 hours ago, I lost my most beloved companion. My beautiful feline Kindred Spirit, Chloe, succumbed to elderly organs, and left my life at the age of 19. She was my significant constant, travelling with me on my life journey, through storms and sunshine, and my heart feels lost without my purring navigator.
I adopted her as a kitten, and I almost didn’t. A co-worker had made it her mission to find homes for an entire litter, stopping at each cubicle and making her plea. She said she had found homes for all but one black, female kitten. I said if she didn’t find a home for her over the weekend, that I would take her, because I didn’t like the idea that one last furry baby was all alone. Of course, that meant my co-worker wasn’t even going to bother to look any further, so I had a new kitten by Monday, which I named Ashley. By Tuesday, however, the same co-worker shared that one of the kittens was returned to her, because they wanted a boy. So my efforts to take the last kitten came back to haunt me once more. I hated the idea that a sweet kitten was returned because it wasn’t the right gender, and I agreed to adopt a second baby. This second baby was my sweet Chloe, and I’m so glad they returned her. Their loss was my greatest gain.
I was in a new relationship at the time, but when it reached its end after 4-1/2 years, we had a decision to make about Chloe and Ashley, now 4 years old. He wanted to keep Ashley, and told me I could take Chloe. Since I was the one leaving, I felt guilty about him being all alone, so I left him with both kitties, because I didn’t have the heart to divide the playmates. I later regretted that decision. Four years after living without my kitties, that ex boyfriend contacted me, saying he couldn’t keep them anymore. He said he’d already found a new home for Ashley, but would I take Chloe. Despite my effort to keep the playmate sisters together, he divided them anyway. Obviously, I was eager to take Chloe, but was also heartbroken she would never play with her sister again.
To this day, I would give anything to have those 4 years back, only this time, with Chloe in them.
Losing a companion that you share your life with, day in and day out, is a loss I have no prior knowledge of how to endure it. I’ve known many people personally who have passed on, but none of them shared my home and daily life with me. Chloe may have been a different species, but that minimizes nothing of her importance and value.
Waking up with her laying on my chest, her sweet face 8 inches from mine, purring when she realized I was waking up. Waiting for me to settle in with my cup of coffee, so she could crawl into my lap, and do her kneading exercises there. I am filled with mixed emotions. Grateful to have her sweet purrs for 15 of her 19 years. Kicking myself for missing out on 4 of her years. Fear that I didn’t do enough for her health, to keep her here longer.
I know for sure that she and I had a priceless bond that I will never, ever experience with any human. I made sure that every day she knew how loved she was. She had so many precious idiosyncrasies, and I will miss Every.Single.One.Of.Them.
Good Night my Pretty Girl. Thank you for the enviable honor of being the object of your affection and loyalty……